As Linda Bernstein mentioned in her article, 8 Things Not to Say to Your Aging Parents, dealing with aging parents as their memory fades can prove frustrating.  Despite our best efforts, we sometimes lose patience while listening to the same stories over and over, trying to track when conversations 'go rogue', and teaching the same skills repeatedly.  

Here are a few tips that we've learned, while caring for older adults, for how to handle these situations in a loving and compassionate way. 

When hearing the same story for the umpteenth time
Say "I remember you saying that before, which lead to..."  This lets them know that you've listened to them, and allows them to leap forward and add additional details or a relevant connection to the current conversation.

When teaching a technology skill
Instead of just showing the skill once, create a document with screen shots that can be referred back to when your parent attempts the task on their own.

When reminding about a name or elusive word
Ask them for a description instead of the exact word or name.  Often, they can come up with "Edith's son", but not the name.  Or, they can come up with the usage of a spatula, for example, but not the label.

I hope that these suggestions help you to turn your best intentions into reality when dealing with your aging parents.

Today, we applaud Governor Brown for vetoing the bill dubbed, misleadingly, the "Domestic Workers Bill of Rights" (see our blog from 8/29, "Why we oppose AB889").  

In his decision, Governor Brown aptly asks, "What will be the economic and human impact on the disabled or elderly person and their family of requiring overtime, rest and meal period for attendants who provide 24 hour care?"  He went on to ask, "What would be the additional costs and what is the financial capacity of those taking care of loved ones in the last years of life."  

The Governor poses some appropriate questions that require further study before enacting a mandate.  Some other questions to answer:
*  How would domestic workers be protected if you cannot find them?  The bill would've taken the live-in care industry underground, making workers more vulnerable.
*  How would families be protected if a caregiver were injured on the job?  When caregivers are hired directly by families, the family does not typically pay for worker's compensation insurance.  That provides little recourse for the caregiver to get back lost wages, and makes the family vulnerable to litigation.

At Caring Hands Caregivers, our caregivers are our heart and soul.  We make sure that they are paid fairly, are insured, and are protected from abuse.  Our obligation to our clients AND to our caregivers is to provide great care.

I had the honor of co-presenting at the Ninth Annual Avenidas Caregiving Conference last weekend, along with Sue Alvey (Avenidas Rose Kleiner Center) and Cathy Lynch (Pathways).  Our session, "Day Breaks", focused on how Home Care, Home Health, and Day Health can help family caregivers avoid burnout by providing much needed breaks during the day. 

During our presentation, we reviewed our resource table (download here), illustrating the defining the services, qualification criteria, and payment options for Home Care, Home Health, and Day Health.  We illustrated how the different services can be used in tandem using the following sample case study (written by Sue Alvey):

"Mrs. J is 93-years-old, and lives in her own home.  Her daughter lives with her and works part-time.  Mrs. J has fallen twice at home.  After each fall, she has become a little more confused and needs more help getting around.

Mrs. J's doctor recommended working with a HOME HEALTH agency to provide Physical and Occupational Therapy. The therapies will help strengthen her muscles and improve her balance.  However, the daughter realized that she cannot leave her mother at home alone while she works. She’s also having trouble navigating the logistics of helping her mother bathe. 

A friend recommended that she call a HOME CARE agency to help with personal care.  The caregiver helps the daughter to keep an eye on Mrs. J. and keeps her safe at home.  The caregiver was able to watch her sessions with the physical therapist and now helps follow through on her exercises. The work on puzzles and go out for ice cream as a special treat.

The social worker at the Home Health agency suggested that the daughter consider a Senior DAY HEALTH Program for her mother.  There she could benefit from social interactions with her peers and mentally stimulating activities.  Nurses and physical therapists there would continue to monitor her health.  Physical and occupational therapists could take over after the Home Health Agency therapists have finished up.  She could benefit from both HOME CARE and Senior DAY HEALTH by alternating days when these services are provided."

At Caring Hands Caregivers, we are always happy to recommend the appropriate service for the appropriate set of needs, whether or not you hire a Caring Hands caregiver.  Call us at 650.943.2313 to find out how to best combine these services to fit your particular needs.